There are some pictures that show up that literally make my heart shatter What I see is a lifetime ago, when everything made sense and laughter was heard daily.

Everyone understands that when you are an empty nester things get quiet, slower and more time with your spouse. It isn’t that way for me and I am trying hard to stay positive in this new world.  I love the time Mike and I have together but he still has work and I am so proud of his relentless dedication and am so proud and thankful for that.  I spent my last 31 years dedicated to these two precious children and I no longer have that job full time. I understand why having a career too is so important, raising children is only 18 years.

I am so grateful for the animals and the comfort that they give me taking care of them. Life sometimes feels heavy and adjusting to the new life is one of the most difficult parts of my life

What tears me up is the smile and laughter that our daughter always lit up our home with finding joy in Nicholas. I miss her so much, she is good, she just doesn’t need me anymore and I have painfully stepped back to let her grow up I will always be here for her, even though I get teased about how I never answer my phone. I rely on Mike being readily available too much.

I pray for her every day and she still is in my every thought. I’m so proud of her and her amazing strength but I know she feels so lost too. I am praying for the strength to get us into therapy and heal as a family, we are crumbling apart